I’ve cut all the dialogue out of Project X so you don’t have to

Tuesday July 3rd 2012

In the summer of 2010, music video maestro Nima Nourizadeh began shooting one of the most radical teen movies ever conceived: a frenetic, multiple-viewpoint, non-narrative explosion of sex, violence and general amorality made on a budget of just $12 million and starring a cast of unknowns (plus one occasional porn star). Together with cinematographer Ken Seng he shot some of the most dynamic, expertly choreographed party footage of all time, most of which was gleefully disconnected from any sense of plot development or character motivation. Sadly, along the way he also decided it would be a good idea to insert three lifeless protagonists, a paper-thin love interest and a load of expository bollocks about a drug dealer named T-Rick. His nihilist masterpiece quickly became a kind of low-rent Bachelor Party, hellbent on interrupting its own brilliance with jokes about midgets and a subplot involving an irate neighbour. Project X was its own worst enemy.

The film was released on DVD yesterday, so early this morning I went down to my local HMV and purchased a copy. Since then, I’ve spent the best part of four hours re-editing Project X into the anarchic masterpiece it should have been. Gone are Thomas, J.B. and Costa, along with their girl troubles, gay jokes and unnecessary character arcs. Both midget and neighbour have been consigned to the cutting room floor. The film now runs a svelte 18 minutes (24 including credits) and it’s loud, energetic and mercifully dialogue-free.

I’ve made a single DVD copy of Project X: The Dialogue-Free Cut and will be auctioning it off HERE for the Red Cross. If you fancy owning a piece of alternate film history, the bidding starts at 99p.

(If, on the other hand, you’re from Warner Brothers: move along please, nothing to see here.)