Tony Scott, 1944-2012

Monday August 20th 2012

I’ll be pouring one out THE SIZE OF THE CHRYSLER BUILDING tonight, because a true Hollywood MAVERICK has just GUITAR SOLOED his way off this mortal coil. Tony ‘TONY SCOTT’ Scott directed some of the BIGGEST FUCK OFF BLOCKBUSTER SMASHES of the 1980s, some of the WILDEST HITS AND MISSES of the 1990s and some of the most DENZEL WASHINGTON action movies of the 2000s, and all while sporting his iconic LUCKY RED BASEBALL CAP. In an instance of tragic irony, the cap had ONE DAY LEFT TIL RETIREMENT.

While his recent movies were deemed NOT PARTICULARLY GOOD by most right-minded people due to their excessive quantities of MAD VISUAL CUNTERY and SCREAMINGLY LOUD ROCK MUSIC, he will be fondly remembered for films like True Romance and The Hunger and for being SOMETHING OF A CHARACTER in Hollywood. From his earliest days as a PLUCKY UNDERDOG STRAIGHT OUT OF THE ACADEMY to his later years as a HARDBITTEN VETERAN JUST TRYING TO PROVIDE FOR HIS WIFE AND KIDS, Scott was never afraid to call a spade a fucking cunt, and the industry respected him for that.

It would be as disingenuous to retrospectively pretend that he was Stanley Kubrick as it would be to deny that a new Tony Scott movie was still something of an event, if only because he brought a spirit of fun and a much-needed sense of direction to the HYPERACTIVE AS ALL GET OUT visual landscape he shared with lesser action directors like Michael Bay. Say what you like about Déjà Vu, but it shits all over Transformers. With Scott’s death, the world becomes an altogether quieter place, and heaven becomes AN ALL-OUT PYROTECHNICAL CLUSTERFUCK. He will be greatly missed.