Last Night: The Launch of HMV Curzon

Thursday October 22nd 2009


We were pretty excited when we arrived at the launch of the brand new HMV Curzon cinema chain in Wimbledon last night for a special screening of Le Donk & Scor-Zay-Zee. We had been promised the future of cinema. In the end it sort of half lived up to that… maybe the cinema of a few years into the future… 2014 or something.

First, let’s get the bad stuff over with:

WOULD THE TWO WOMEN ACROSS FROM US PLEASE SHUT THE FUCK UP. THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR TALKING (NOT EVEN QUIETLY) IN THE MIDDLE OF A MOVIE.

AND THE MAN WHO KEPT LAUGHING LIKE THIS IS A WALKING JOKE:

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And now for a more grievous concern: There are no adjustable curtains in front of the screens so as they were showing a movie with a 1.85:1 aspect ratio on a 2.35:1 screen, there were big grey patches on either side. THIS IS ENTIRELY UNACCEPTABLE. If you need help imagining that then look at this:

Disgraceful.

On the upside, all of this was great:

  • Le Donk… is good.
  • The cinema is all very clean and nice.
  • It has a nice bar (we were provided with free alcohol and cake).
  • Shane Meadows was there and he did a funny introduction.
  • A bloke from telly was there.
  • We met the actual HMV dog.
  • The three screens are colour-coded.
  • They write the names of the films above the doors in chalk.
  • The seats are comfortable and have a good amount of leg room.
  • Good sightlines were enjoyed by all.

Best of all, we were treated to the most bizarre goodie bag of all time. It was from Warner Brothers even though they have seemingly nothing to do with Le Donk or HMV Curzon and contained the following:

Gigantic, The Assassination of Richard Nixon and Waltz with Bashir on DVD (for future reference, I like Blu-ray), a Clockwork Orange ‘retro clock’, an envelope of limited edition HMV postcards (291/1000), a packet of chocalate-covered raisins and a Friends t-shirt.

If God made a goodie bag, this would be it.