The 8 Nuttiest Nominations at this year’s Golden Globes

Saturday December 19th 2009


Last year we made an oath not to talk about the Golden Globes, on account of them being even more of an embarrassment than the Oscars. This year, we are going to mention them this one time, in order to see just how much they have brought Hollywood into disrepute.

BEST PICTURE (MUSICAL OR COMEDY)
IT’S COMPLICATED

I know the whole ‘Musical or Comedy’ thing means that there are always going to be a few less-than-prestigious movies on the ballot at the Globes, and often that’s a good thing. However, when it means that utter utter shit like It’s Complicated walks away with a nomination, something has gone seriously wrong with the world.

BEST ACTOR (DRAMA)
TOBEY MAGUIRE for BROTHERS

I love a bit of The Magpie, but let’s face it, he’s not Best Actor material. And to have him up there with Clooney, Firth, Bridges and Freeman when all he really did in Brothers was toss a few plates about, seems a little misguided.

BEST ACTOR (MUSICAL OR COMEDY)
JOSEPH GORDON-LEVITT for (500) DAYS OF SUMMER

In any other year, this would be par for the course. Best Actor (Musical or Comedy) is such a shit category that anyone as charming at JG-L could waltz right on in. But in some bizarre twist of fate, this year’s nominees include Matt Damon for The Informant!, Daniel Day-Lewis for Nine, Robert Downey Jr. for Sherlock Holmes and Michael Stuhlbarg for A Serious Man (arguably not a comedy). Try as he might, Joseph has no chance against this surprisingly stellar line-up.

BEST ACTRESS (MUSICAL OR COMEDY)
MERYL STREEP for IT’S COMPLICATED and JULIE & JULIA

I’m sure at least one of those films is perfectly OK, but Meryl Streep has become even more ubiquitous at the Globes than she is at the Oscars. This is her second year running with two nominations, and the first in which they’ve been in the same category. With competition including Sandra Bullock in The Proposal and Julia Roberts in Duplicity, it’s shaping up to be the worst category of all time.

BEST ACTRESS (MUSICAL OR COMEDY)
JULIA ROBERTS for DUPLICITY

Come on. Really now. You saw the trailer. Surely there were some good female comedy performances this year. What about Zooey Deschanel in (500) Days?

BEST ORIGINAL SCORE
JAMES HORNER for AVATAR

Kaltxì. Ngaru lu fpom srak?

Just a sample of the beautiful (read ‘incredibly annoying’) Na’vi language choir on James Horner’s Avatar score. Add tribal drums and a million, billion jungle flutes and you’ve just written the score for the most expensive movie ever made.

BEST ORIGINAL SCORE
KAREN O for WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE

Rraaaa raaaaraaaa laaa laaa taaa daaaa = Golden Globe.

BEST DIRECTOR
CLINT EASTWOOD for INVICTUS

I haven’t seen Invictus so really I’m not at liberty to judge, but I find it hard to believe that Clint Eastwood yet again deserves a place on the Best Director shortlist. Was he really better than Lee Daniels, The Coen Brothers, Spike Jonze, Tom Ford and Peter Jackson, all of whom were snubbed?

I suspect not.