10 Amazing Oscar Nominations that aren’t going to happen tomorrow

Monday February 1st 2010


Tomorrow afternoon, the official nominations for the 82nd Academy Awards will be announced in Beverly Hills, California, America, The World. As excited as we all are, they’re bound to be not-entirely-brilliant. Here however, are 10 nominations which would be completely utterly fantastically brilliant. The only snag is the fact that they’re literally never going to happen.
BEST PICTURE
PARANORMAL ACTIVITY

The Exorcist and The Silence of the Lambs are still the only horror films in Oscar history to be nominated for Best Picture. Oren Peli’s wicked shock-mock-doc deserves to be the third.

BEST DIRECTOR
J.J. ABRAMS for STAR TREK

Homeboy JJ did the seemingly impossible and succeeded in making us forget about Cloverfield with his awesome Trek revival. The Academy could win some major cool points here.

BEST ACTOR
SAM ROCKWELL for MOON

Following a well documented Twitter campaign, this one almost seemed possible. Rockwell’s portrayal of the same person twice is a masterwork of subtlety and ingenuity.

BEST ACTRESS
CHARLOTTE GAINSBOURG for ANTICHRIST

Sandra Bullock? Emily Blunt? Y’all serious? If there was any justice in this world, Gainsbourg would have the Best Actress statuette wrapped up and ready to take home.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR
RYAN REYNOLDS for ADVENTURELAND

Ryan Reynolds became good so suddenly that I didn’t even notice it happen. He was the icing on the already-delicious Adventureland cake and is due a bit of critical respect.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
LORNA RAVER for DRAG ME TO HELL

Everyone’s loving Mo’Nique’s ‘monstrous’ performance in Precious, but at no point in that movie did she vomit maggots onto Alison Lohman’s face. A truly terrifying piece of work.

BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY
MATTHEW MICHAEL CARNAHAN, TONY GILROY, PETER MORGAN & BILLY RAY for STATE OF PLAY

6 hours became 2 with almost no pacing issues. It should at least have the edge over An Education.

BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY
MICHAEL HANEKE for THE WHITE RIBBON

Obviously Haneke will be walking away with the Foreign Oscar, but compare The White Ribbon‘s script to (500) Days of Summer‘s and then deny him his place in this category.

BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM
DOGTOOTH

Technically, I don’t think Dogtooth is eligible for this year’s Oscars as it hasn’t had a US release yet, but the real question is: why the fuck not?

BEST VISUAL EFFECTS
HARRY POTTER & THE HALF-BLOOD PRINCE

Fuck what you heard about Pandora; the death eaters’ journey through London is one of the dopest cinematic moments of all time. Fuck knows why it’s not being recognised.