The Fucking Awful Bones

Wednesday February 3rd 2010

I was finding it hard to believe that The Lovely Bones could really be as bad as everybody was saying it was (and surely not 36% on Rotten Tomatoes bad). After all, I’m not exactly a Peter Jackson fan but I can certainly comprehend his talents, and the cast seemed like quite the treat. Now that I’ve seen it however, 36% seems like an act of Jesus-like generosity.

Lovely Bones is an incredible mess of a film. Something definitely must have happened when PJ went from…

… and along with all the weight he lost his ability to competently make movies. There are so many things wrong with the movie that it would be boring to list them. See for yourself:

  • It looks rubbish. All the heaven stuff is overly gimmicky and the fact that a lot of it’s shot on digital becomes painfully evident every time you get a close up of something and it looks like something out of INLAND fucking EMPIRE.
  • It thinks you’re an idiot. That’s why it feels the need to set-up every key plot point ten minutes before it happens with some horribly blatant expositional nonsense. And then remind you of it later through the use of Echoing Memory Dialogue.
  • It’s completely overwrought. Every single moment in the film is an emotional climax of some kind. At no point is there any kind of middle ground.
  • It’s way too faithful to the novel. To the extent that literally dozens of characters and subplots are established only to be immediately abandoned due to time constraints.
  • Even Stanley Tucci can’t save it. But God knows he tries.

And to top it all off: