10 things that are way wrong with Repo Men

Tuesday April 13th 2010


Went to see Repo Men. Didn’t like. Here’s why:

1

THE FUTURE MAKES NO SENSE
Repo Men is supposed to be set in a world where society is happy to allow a homicidal multi-national corporation to rip out people’s artificial organs when they can’t keep up with the payments. But most of the time, it doesn’t seem much different to the present day. Sure, it looks almost exactly like Blade Runner, but Jude Law’s wife appears to be working in some kind of futuristic Body Shop, which doesn’t seem particularly dystopian.

2

THE ‘REDEMPTION’ STORY
After getting an artificial heart of his own, Jude Law’s repo man comes to realise the brutality and moral repulsiveness of his work. Unfortunately, he then spends the next 90 minutes indiscriminately killing even more people in his quest to put things straight.

3

THE SOUNDTRACK
Once upon a time it was effective to use ironically upbeat music over bleak and brutal scenes. This is no longer true.

4

HOW TOPICAL IT ALL IS
Remember that bit in Transformers 2 where someone turns their head away from the camera and then makes a very obviously dubbed-in joke about swine flu? Imagine that stretched out to feature length and you’ve got a good picture of Repo Men, which so desperately wants to be seen as socially relevant that it’ll probably feel outdated by the time it shows up on DVD.

5

RZA IS IN IT
Which in theory is fine, but his appearance is so brief (pretty much just what you see in the trailer) that you spend most of the movie waiting for him to re-appear. Spoiler alert: he doesn’t.

6

PLOT HOLES
Jude Law is on the run from the evil corporation because he’s three months behind on the payments for his artificial heart. Despite this, he has more than enough money to buy hotel rooms, plane tickets, guns, ammunition and even an old-fashioned typewriter.

7

THE FACT THAT
the line ‘unless you’re thinking of breaking into corporate’ is followed by the lead characters breaking into corporate.

8

JUDE LAW’S ‘ANECDOTAL’ VOICEOVER
When did all movies start having idiotic chatty monologues over them, full of lists and little incidental thoughts? It’s the cinematic equivalent of those bits of text on the side of Innocent Smoothies.

9

LIEV SCHREIBER
Playing the villian. Again.

10

THE ENDING
I won’t tell you what happens (although don’t take that as a reason to see this fucking awful movie) but safe to say: it’s a disaster area.