Amazing Discovery

Wednesday June 2nd 2010

We have a long and troubled past with the Daily Mail’s resident film critic Christopher Tookey. After affectionately labeling him the King of Puns back in September 09, we started disliking him after his ridiculous views on violent movies and the internet became apparent. He wrote to us last month in order to correct a few inaccuracies and then last week we held a door open for him at a press screening.

So how have we ONLY JUST found out that he has a website?

Not only does Movie-Film-Review deserve an award for having the least evocative name ever, but it’s also absolutely packed with Tookey reviews – some dating as far back as 1902 (we didn’t know he was that old.) It even claims to be the ‘biggest database of movie reviews anywhere!’ and it might just be right.

The Tookey’s Turkeys catagory gives us a look at his least favourite movies, including a review of Batman & Robin which unironically suggests that:

It’s perfect viewing for your young son, if you happen to wish him to develop into a gay biker with a keen interest in martial arts and leather fetishism.

He puts this down to the ‘camp sensibility’ of openly-gay director Joel Schumacher, but will admit that, despite the movie’s flaws:

Ms Thurman does look extremely sexy.

This is definitely not an example of overcompensating.

Tookey, who considers internet attacks on critics to be a form of cyberbullying, also fails to see the irony in his website’s Quote Whores section. Inside, critics from across the globe are listed by their Quote Whore Quotient: an estimate of how likely they are to give good reviews to bad movies in exchange for a spot on the movie’s poster. As hypocritical as the whole thing is, it does make for great reading. There are pages for over 40 of film criticism’s worst offenders (including some we’ve featured before) and each one has an extensive collection of wildly enthusiastic quotes about such classics as Space Chimps, Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle and Legally Blonde 2, along with counter-arguments from what Tookey considers more esteemed critics (usually including himself – obviously).

And as is that weren’t enough, there’s an About page featuring a whopping three photos of the Tookster:

You might want to bookmark Movie-Film-Review, it really is worth your time.