Unstoppable

Wednesday November 17th 2010


MOTHERFUCKING TONY SCOTT is back in the hizzouse with yet another TENSE AS A BARRELHOUSE FUCK movie about MOTHERFUCKING RENEGADE TRAINS, and I’m talking wall-to-wall HEAVY-ASS MOTHERFUCKING TRAINS UP IN THIS BITCH. It’s SPEED ON SPEED, RUNAWAY TRAIN ON ACID and THE POLAR EXPRESS ON MEPHEDRONE, all with a LOUD AS CHRIST SOUNDTRACK and SOME NONSTOP VISUAL CUNTERY FROM THE ONE AND ONLY TONY MOTHERFUCKING SCOTT.

UNSTOPPABLE is TRACKING MAD HIGH on Rotten Tomatoes thanks to a MAJOR SYSTEMIC FLAW in which films that most critics think are ‘alright’ manage to build up TOMATOMETER SCORES THE SIZE OF THE CHRYSLER BUILDING while arguably better but more divisive films land somewhere in the 50-70% range.

For a film that’s essentially ONE MASSIVELY LONG SCENE OF UNBROKEN TENSION, full of more gimmicky visual shit than 127 Hours and more shots of Denzel Washington laughing than SOME KIND OF ENDLESS TAPE OF DENZEL WASHINGTON LAUGHING THE SIZE OF THE CHRYSLER BUILDING, Unstoppable is surprisingly robust fun. And ignoring the inevitably anticlimactic ending, it delivers ably on its promise of MASSIVE FUCK OFF TRAINS GOING REALLY CUNTING FAST.

NOUGHT POINT SIX TWO!!!!