Renegade Horse Wins a Really Massive Prize

Monday November 22nd 2010


Secretariat is the kind of movie that thinks it’s a feminist masterwork because it’s about a woman owning a horse and managing to do so whilst not in the possession of a penis.

It’s the kind of movie that establishes that its female protagonist is strong and confident by having her go into a gentlemen’s club without permission.

It’s the kind of movie that will suddenly cut to a shot of Diane Lane hugging a horse with no explanation or justification whatsoever.

It’s the kind of movie that shows the passage of time by inserting lines of dialogue like “it’s been three months since the race” immediately after a sudden cut.

It’s the kind of movie that attempts to portray a horse as a ‘badass’.

It’s the kind of movie that uses horse racing as an analogy for the Vietnam War. Or the other way around, I forget which.

It’s the kind of movie that opens with a bible quote.