Friday November 26th 2010

If you thought there was too much camping in Deathly Hallows, just wait til you get a load of Burlesque. With a cast including Christina Aguilera, Alan Cumming and Cher (as played by Edvard Munch’s The Scream), it’s already a certified camp classic before X-tina has even opened her mouth.

And open her mouth she does. From the spelling-heavy Express (“E-X-P-R-E-S-S, Love, Sex, Ladies, No Regrets”) to the grammatically-troubling Guy What Takes His Time, the soundtrack offers sex, glamour and an increasingly tenuous list of rhymes for ‘burlesque’. And above all, it gives Christina plenty of chances to do stuff like this:

or this…

and of course this…

So that’s the women and gays sorted. But, I hear you ask, what about us Shortlist-reading, Dave-watching mens’ men? Well never fear, because Burlesque has more implied female nudity than any movie I’ve ever seen ever. Even on the internet.

Of course, you never actually see any naughty portions, but what do you expect from a 12A? Pervert…

At the end of the proverbial day, Burlesque outstays its welcome and sags in the middle [insert slightly unfair Cher reference here] but as a winningly knowing exercise in ludicrously OTT extravagance, it’s hard to fault.

After all, how many other movies can claim to offer the sight of Alan Cumming lying on a stage with a partially-clothed vagina up in his grill? Not many, that’s how many.