Ultra Culture Cinema: Submarine

Monday March 7th 2011


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On Friday March 4th 2011, London’s majestic ICA once again threw open its doors to Ultra Culture Cinema for an exclusive preview of Richard Ayoade’s eagerly-awaited directorial debut Submarine, a whole fortnight ahead of its release. As ever, tickets sold out fast so the lucky few who managed to get hold of them wore expressions of pride as they entered the building for what promised to be a wonderful night of lovemaking.

After the obligatory free drinks and biscuits in the foyer, the audience received a copy of our limited edition Submarine zine (Submazine if you will) as they filed into the auditorium. And there were balloons everywhere, natch.

We’d also been sent two massive Submarine standees which we duly erected *snigger* outside the cinema. They weren’t the ones with Ultra Culture on them unfortunately, but I soon took care of that with a Poundland marker and an impressively steady hand.

Inside, the packed out crowd waited with breath that can only be described as ‘bated’ for the show to begin. There was a bit of a kerfuffle in the DJ booth so the Jacques Brel CD I’d painstakingly burned off to play pre-show was replaced with some old electronica crap. I got over it. Eventually.

In what might be our smoothest pre-show performance yet (only half a dozen painful pauses this time) we had:

  • Balloon fun.
  • Charity shop giveaways.
  • Book throwing.
  • Dressing up.
  • ‘And more…’

The big event was a live ‘seduction competition’ courtesy of despicable humanity-killing monsters The Rules and The Game. Our four sexy volunteers battled it out in a number of tasks designed to test their attraction powers, and best of all the whole thing was judged by a celebrity panel of Submarine stars Craig Roberts and Yasmin Paige and author Joe Dunthorne! Which is definitely in no way a waste of their gargantuan talents on frivolous bullshit.

Our eventual winners were seduction masters Rob and Megan, who each took away a big pile of awesome DVDs (and Sex Drive).

With the audience participation segment of the night over, the scene was set for the year’s best film to begin. But first, a brand new video by the one and only King of charm Charlie Lyons. Here it is for your viewing pleasure:

Submarine followed, and played to the most engaged, enthusiastic audience we’ve had at Ultra Culture Cinema yet. To drop the whole impersonal ‘we’ thing for a minute, I genuinely felt honoured to have them all there.

The party continued in the ICA bar, where the first 60 (60!) arrivals were given free Submarine posters. Resident Ultra Culture DJs Sam and Dora were ‘on the decks’ and it wasn’t long before people (mainly me) were up and dancing.

Obligatory blurry DJ photo below:

If I made one mistake, it was buying them two bottles of red wine to share, which unsurprisingly resulted in Sam falling down the stairs just after 1am and smashing a glass.

The lights came on and we were asked to make our way towards the exit.

See you next time pals!

A few tweets from the night:

‘Sour cream Pringles and bourbon biscuits. #UltraCultureCinema gets off to a good start.’ - @blakeconnolly

‘Just had substantially more than my RDA of LOLs at #ultraculturecinema.’@robbiereviews

‘Wall to wall amazegastic, as per. Stoked for UCC7.’@AuntieNubbins

‘Submarine was really quite good, and a free poster too…. my god what an evening. Cheers @ultraculture!’ – @reluctantDog

‘Aside from the humiliation of 4 innocent audience members, I’d mark @ultraculture ‘s event tonight a complete success. Submarine was brills.’ – @smitchington

‘Well, Submarine was basically perfect. It even made me do a little cry. Yet another whizzo night thanks to #ultraculturecinema.’@agnes_o_daff

‘I love #ultraculturecinema, I love @ultraculture and right now I’m loving @samwolfson and @dstewartszego TEARING up the decks.’@crablin

‘Never thought I’d hear Sean Paul at the ICA.’ - @yourturnheather

Massive thanks to Katie Haines, Tej Jouhal, David Cox, Zoe Flower, Joe Dunthorne, Craig Roberts, Yasmin Paige, Richard Ayoade, Sam Clements, Simon Renshaw, Limara Salt, Catherine Bray, Sam Wolfson and Dora Stewart for keeping the night afloat.

Further reading:
- A review of the night by Matthew Thompson.
- A review of the night by Wil Jones.
- A review of the night by The Incredible Suit.