[Bear pun]

Friday February 11th 2011


True Grit isn’t as good as everyone’s making out unfortunately, but it is infinitely better than most of the half-arsed bollocks being vomited into cinemas this week. Pick of the bunch is the much-dreaded live action Yogi Bear movie which – somewhat impressively – is actually worse than you’d expect.

Astoundingly, 80 MILLION DOLLARS was pumped into the film’s production, although it’s probably safe to assume that a considerable chunk of that went towards paying Dan Ackroyd and Justin Timberlake to do bad impressions of professional voice actors who themselves would’ve been paid about a tenth as much. They probably threw a few quid Anna Faris’s way as well, although given her apparent desperation to appear in as many shit films as possible before the age of 35, she’d probably have done it pro bono.

At least she didn’t have to do a lot of travelling: despite its ‘save our nature park’ enviroplot, the entire movie appears to have been shot on green screen. In fact, it’s entirely possible that most of the principle cast had no idea what project they were actually working on.

For all its individual failings, the main problem with the film is a pretty unavoidable one.

YOGI BEAR IS BLATANTLY A CUNT.

Wisely, they don’t even include him or the equally cuntish Boo Boo for the majority of the first half, instead focusing on the problems faced by JD’s brother from Scrubs and him from Cloverfield. But soon enough, the bear is back and he’s just as obnoxious, unfunny and self-satisfied as ever. I was actually relieved when the inevitable Sir Mix-A-Lot dance routine finally happened, if only because it meant Yogi had to shut his incessant smughole for a few moments.

It didn’t last unfortunately, and like most of the audience, I spent the rest of the film’s interminable 83 minute runtime wishing the evil government characters would get their act together, demolish the nature park and rid the world of any habitat that could spawn such an awful, hateful bastard.

To paraphrase Werner Herzog, fuck bears.