Friday arts and crafts: Make your own miniature Shame bed!

Friday October 7th 2011


I saw Steve McQueen’s Shame a couple of weeks ago but haven’t reviewed it on here yet because I’m waiting until at least ten more synonyms for ‘amazing’ are added to the English language. Rest assured though, you will not be disappointed.

The first poster for the film was released earlier this week (see right –>), depicting the tousled bed sheets of Michael Fassbender’s isolated sex addict Brandon. So seeing as it’s Friday and we’ve all got literally nothing better to do, I’m going to show you how to make your own fully functional Shame bed. After all, haven’t you always wanted to getunderneath Michael Fassbender’s bedsheets? Eh ladies? Amirite? Amirite?

For today’s make, you will need a colour printer, a pair of scissors, an elastic band, some cardboard, a roll of sticky tape and some glue.

Let us begin.


Step 1: Prepare your materials

Download THIS HERE .PDF and print it out A4-size at the highest quality setting available. Take the sheet and your other materials and prepare a working space. If you’re at the office, put down some newspaper so you don’t make a mess of your desk and get fired.


Step 2: Preliminary work

Cut out the two printed shapes with scissors (you may need the help of a responsible adult) and then lay them on the cardboard. Draw out an area twice as long and 2.3 times as wide as the ‘full bed’ piece and cut that out too.


Step 3: Beginning the framework

Stick the larger image down on the cardboard and then cut away the corners to leave two large flaps and one small flap, as seen above. A ruler may be useful for this step.


Step 4: Building the bed

Fold the opposing flaps behind the bed surface and tape them together to create the body of the bed. This will leave the one remaining flap suspended from the end of the bed. Don’t worry, we will sort this out later.


Step 5: The covers

Turn your bed over (the miniature bed that is!) and stick the smaller image on the reverse side. Then cut around the edges of the image until it resembles the picture above. You may need to re-stick the edges. Then fold the flap back onto the top of the bed and secure with an elastic band.


Step 6: Applying the finishing touches

Finally, cut out four short strips of cardboard and bend each one to a 45 degree angle at the centre. Put a small amount of glue on each piece and stick one at each corner of the bed’s underside. Leave for ten minutes for the glue to dry.


Step 7: Job’s a good’un!

Once the glue is dry, flip the bed over and you’re ready to roll! Insert a cutout of yourself or whoever else into the bed and send me a photo of your creation on Twitter. For bonus points, why not mock up Brandon’s entire swanky apartment with cardboard and recreate the whole film with little paper people? Don’t forget that anilingus scene!

Next Friday: create your own uncut version of The Human Centipede 2 with nothing more than a paper plate, some glitter and a yellow pipe cleaner.