British Independent Film Awards: The goodie bag, reviewed.

Tuesday December 6th 2011

The cream of the UK film industry and his or her dog turned out for the British Independent Film Awards at Old Billingsgate Market on Sunday night, and your intrepid boy reporter was there, sitting in the press room eating complimentary brownies and tweeting incessantly. After three delicious hours of Chris O’Dowd being the drunkest awards host of all time, Olivia Colman being utterly adorable and Jodie Whittaker showing off her awe-inspiring moves on the dancefloor, the building emptied out and goodie bags were distributed. Here’s what we got:

1. The December 4th edition of Variety
Never have the words ‘For Your Consideration’ been printed so many times in so few column inches. Also inside: a review of Hugo by Peter Debruge that opens with the sentence: ‘In attempting to make his first film for all ages, Martin Scorsese has fashioned one for the ages’. FEEL FREE TO TAKE THE REST OF THE WEEK OFF, PETER.

2. A pack of Willie’s Delectable Cacao ginger and lime chocolate
About as satisfying as eating the Variety.

3. A copy of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo on DVD
“Utterly compelling … superb performances” says Alan Frank of the Daily Star. Conor Nolan at The People is equally enthusiastic.

4. A Lee & Thompson pen
Apparently they’re a ‘leading media and entertainment law firm, representing some of the world’s most highly acclaimed musicians, actors, producers, television personalities and sports people’. Their pens are a bit grubby though.

5. A can of Pussy ‘natural’ energy drink
Tastier than the chocolate but I can’t say I’d recommend it. Embarrassing to drink on the bus as well.

6. A copy of issue 349 of Grazia Magazine
Among the revelations inside: Kate Middleton wears cardigans from Zara, Katy Perry and Russell Brand’s marriage may or may not be in trouble, you shouldn’t trust men who crop their Facebook profile photos, and 64% of Grazia readers believe ‘women are instinctively programmed to be bitchy about other women’.

Everything you need to know to be a successful member of the British independent film industry.