Well this is brilliant

Monday August 31st 2009

Yes yes yes, I know, I’ve jumped the shark.

Once more for luck

Sunday August 30th 2009

I’ve seen The Hurt Locker twice now. You really should see it at least once. Maybe after you’ve seen Funny People. But not immediately after.

Sorry this is a bit of a crap post. But it is a Saturday. Most blogs don’t even run shit on the weekends. I give you fools too much.

And if all else fails, send in the Cloons.

Red Carpet Report: Triangle

Saturday August 29th 2009

Last month I wrote this:

Triangle is having its world premiere at the London FrightFest next month. If anyone involved is reading this, I would appreciate an invitation.

Amazingly enough readers, it actually happened and off we went on Thursday night to the world premiere of shit director Christopher Smith’s surprisingly unshit-looking new film.

There wasn’t a red carpet (sorry to get your hopes up) so we just went straight in. The crowd looked like this:

They were pretty much exactly as you’d imagine them to be, given that they’ve paid large sums of money to watch obscure horror films all weekend. A lot of people were dressed in white, including Andy Nyman who we saw a few rows behind us and also this chap:

Christopher Smith was there and he was surrounded by fans (read: idiots). You can just about make him out in this photo:

That concludes the visual section of today’s review. Now, for the review.

THE BIG REVIEW
Triangle is easily Christopher Smith’s best film. It is also completely rubbish. If you’ve seen the spoiler-heavy trailer then you’ve already ruined the few good moments in the film, and the rest is just mundane. And repetitive. And predictable. And crap.

In the introduction, Mr. Smith told us that he spent 4 years writing Triangle. Let’s hope we have a longer wait before his next effort. ZING!

No Budget Friday: Jetsam

Friday August 28th 2009

That picture makes the movie look really exciting doesn’t it?

How about if I tell you it’s a British movie?

With a very small budget.

And no stars.

I bet you’re on the edge of your seat.

Jetsam is a very independent film. It looks like it was shot on a mobile phone for someone’s Art Foundation final. It’s very derivative of Memento and various other New Hollywood hits. It’s only 84 minutes long. In this context, it isn’t bad. Let me repeat. If this movie had been made by an 18-year-old with no crew, I’d say ‘well done’.

But it wasn’t. It was made on a budget. It was made with a cast and crew. And it is being theatrically released (only at the ICA but still). It must be judged against the competition. And when it’s a choice between paying £7 for this, or paying £7 for The Hurt Locker, or Funny People or The Final Destination, you’d have to be fucking mental to go with the former.

The best one minute of your life

Thursday August 27th 2009

Have you seen the trailer for Christopher Nolan’s Inception?

Have you seen the pretty cool new Inception Warner Brother logo that’s not quite as good as the Batman one?

Have you seen the bit with the close-up of the spinning top that’s a bit like The Prestige?

Have you seen the ariel shot?

Have you seen the gravity-defying water glass on the nice wooden table?

Have you seen the bit with Leo DiCap looking like Batman?

Have you seen the man who accidentally got in the bath with all of his clothes on and then realised very suddenly and then tried to get out immediately without getting too wet but left it too long and was already very wet?

Have you seen this bit?

Have you seen the bloody cast?

That is quite literally four of my favourite people.

If the answer to any of the above questions is ‘no’ then please direct yourself towards the incredible new Inception trailer. It’s only a minute long.