Saturday December 12th 2009
She is in the sky. Becuase she dies at the beginning of the film. Do you see? The sky is like heaven. That’s where she is. Because she’s looking down on her family. From the sky. So that’s where her head is. Do you see?
Good.
P.S. If you’ve noticed how Saturday posts are always quite short, it’s because we get a surprisingly massive drop-off in visitors on Saturday. It would make sense if it was the whole weekend because people might be reading it at work, but Sunday does a roaring trade. I don’t understand it. Anyway, we’ll be back in business tomorrow.
Friday December 11th 2009
Where the Wild Things Are is out today in the UK and I advise everyone to immediately go out and see it. There’s something in it for everyone. If you’re eager to see The Stepfather however, you will first need to observe the following instructions:
ONE
Permanently suspend your sense of disbelief. This movie makes Transformers 2 look like a work of orthodox Vulcan logic, so there’s no point getting all worked up every time it makes yet another ludicrous leap of faith.
TWO
Go to your bookcase and look for a particularly big book. It should have ‘Dictionary’ written on its spine. Now open the book roughly in the middle and find the words beginning with ‘m’. Locate the word ‘motive’. Now cross it out with a thick black marker. Repeat for ‘suspense’, ‘coherence’ and ‘characterisation’.
THREE
Resist the urge to audibly express your dislike of the film. It will only make the experience even worse for those around you.
FOUR
Ignore the fact that all of the ’17 year olds’ are obviously portrayed by actors in their mid-twenties.
FIVE
Remember that Amber Heard’s character is not just there for pointless gratuitous sex appeal, even though she is semi-nude for the entire duration of the film and serves no function within the plot.
SIX
There is no such thing as plagiarism. Everything is ‘an homage’. And that includes copying your ending shot-for-shot from a Michael Haneke film.
SEVEN
Don’t bother trying to remember which one is the bad guy, because every time he appears you get a reminder anyway:
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Thursday December 10th 2009
We went to see Drew Barrymore’s directorial debut Whip It the other day.
It’s about a small-town misfit (played not-exactly-against-type by Ellen Page) who joins a roller derby team and learns to find her own way in life etc. etc. etc. Basically it’s a lot like Roll Bounce.
Barrymore has assembled a ensemble cast of top notch female actors (and Juliette Lewis) and they effortlessly lift what could be a slightly formulaic coming of age story into being REALLY GREAT.
There are bad moments (including a particularly ‘in’ scene at the Alamo Drafthouse) but all things considered, this is easily one of the best family-themed films in ages. NICEONEDREW!
Whip It is out on April 9th 2010. April 9th 2010!
Wednesday December 9th 2009
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Screen 1 at the Odeon West End on the south side of Leicester Square is the best place in London to watch a movie.
It fulfills every single point in our manifesto, even the one about emergency exit signs not being visible from the front row, which makes it unique in London. This is a cinema so perfectly designed that you can sit front row centre and the ‘horizon’ of the stage stops literally an inch short of the screen. It is magic.
Unfortunately, ‘the powers that be’ seem to think otherwise and have sold the site to hotel developers, so you’ve probably only got 6-9 months to enjoy it before it’s gone forever. Get down there. ASAP.
Saying that, Screen 1 is The Descent: Part 2 at the moment, so maybe leave it a week.
Tuesday December 8th 2009
Before we get to the whole ‘review’ thing, can I just say:
Dear whoever built The Mayfair Hotel,
It might be a good idea NOT to build a screening room directly above a fucking nightclub, because it can prove hard to watch a tense family drama when the whole thing is permeated by a deafening bass line.
Sincerely,
Annoyed Blogger
Ok, that’s enough of that.
REVIEW
Brothers has been made because somebody has noticed that Jake Gyllenhaal and Tobey Maguire look quite similar, in a strange, not-immediately-evident way. They’ve been looking quite similar since they both started playing teenagers in the late 90s, and the only problem now is that Maguire (who’s 5 years older than Gyllenhaal) still looks about 12.
I won’t bother explaining the plot because you can guess most of the it from the poster.
It’s a tense and slightly affecting movie with a few quite good performances. Unfortunately, it’s also so mind-bendingly overblown that it makes 2012 look like The White Ribbon.
A little bit of Cosmo Landesman style ‘comparative reviewing’ for you there.
